Taking it day by day: February 2007

This Tetezzo Website.

Monday, February 26, 2007
I read Mwangi’s post about Kenyan women not knowing how to dish malovings. Thank God that this kind lady Gertrude Mungai is out there helping those who are failing in the department of sex. Since she even has a website, curious Chatterly decide to dive in wholeheartedly in a bid to see if things had changed since she last dished.
A website in pink, very girly, si it’s for the ladies bana? There is information but I will not say it’s so much to the point it will turn your love life around. It is just the usual: communication, hygiene, foreplay etc. Since the website is not there to give free info in detail you have to go for the classes yourself. They offer STRIPE tease, which Acolyte talked about. Since the advert says-for married women, what about those who are single and are willing to learn how to work the pole?
The website is full of spelling mistakes to the point that it is not hilarious. Whoever did it was in a great hurry. One word: PROOFREAD!
Then there are sections you cannot read unless you are a member. Since I am keen to learn, I register and within 3 minutes I am a tetezzo-babe. I rush to click the link “check out our new side to side position” I am dismayed when I am told “your credit balance is low”. Now what?! After signing in I just saw that my credit balance is 0/=, I wondered ati credo ni ya nini?
I am then told to click a certain link that will show me instructions for reloading my account. I am then told to call a certain number and top up my account. Each time I top up, my account is credited with KES 70.
That is where the fun stopped. What information is worth 70 bob? I just wanted to take a look at that side to side of theirs. Who is going to pay 70 bob to see sex styles when I can see them online free of charge?
Furthermore you can send questions and get expert answers, but to do that you have to have credit!
They also have recipes. Change that to recipe because they just have ONE recipe. And they sell herbal toothpaste worth 600KES which you should buy if you are tired of his foul breath.
Jobs section is still empty. I will be checking that section to see what kind of jobs they are offering. STRIPE tease instructor? Interesting interesting.

Random thoughts: 1

Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Case of a woman…
Ever since you discovered sex, your main aim was to enjoy it to the fullest without getting pregnant bila plan (among other things) so you religiously took the pill/used condoms/had a coil inserted etc. When your period delayed – just 2-3 days you would panic and start hitting the replay button to see whether there was any one time you might have forgotten to protect. You review your whole lifestyle; maybe it’s the stress, change of diet, illness, change of climate etc.

The time then comes when you want a baby, you drop the pill, throw them condoms away, say goodbye coil welcome to the raw world! You invest in sexy lingerie, invest in folic acid pills, multivitamin pills and drop all your nasty habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, and you start eating healthy meals, cut down on salt and all the fat. You approach baby-making like it’s a whole new art, the in-thing (kama sutra is just a beginner's guide to you).
Months turn to a year or two or more - nothing happens. Alarmed, you eventually go to the gynaecologist and you hear the sad words “Nanii, you are incapable of having a child because of blah and blahblah…”

What do you feel at that moment - well, apart from the obvious devastation? Do you think of the money you wasted back then trying to keep conception at bay? Do you feel cheated by nature coz all along you ‘assumed’ you were capable of bearing offspring? Is it better to go for a fertility test now and save yourself the agony later? Or is it better to deal with the fact that you are infertile later?
Just thinking.

The weekend that was (to be)

Sunday, February 18, 2007
Mref and I had mighty plans for the weekend...not just horizontal ones, we wanted to meet, get to know each other better and even much better. Due to certain circumstances, i did not get the chance to play *Wonderful Hostess* this weekend. Someone missed out on yummy chapoz and more. Don't worry my blog friend, we will meet when you are through with whatever you are doing.

I got this funny pic from http://photos1.blogger.com/img/139/5535/1024/love%20is7%20%282%29.jpg
there are many more, crazier ones there.

Desperate measures

Wednesday, February 07, 2007
There has been a documentary on BBC about a 37 year old girl/lady/spinster/woman who is single and very keen on getting married. We all know, if you don’t go out to meet people, you will not meet mr right. So the girl sets out to find her prince charming. In the beginning she had this long list of somewhat twisted things she expected from her husband-to-be. Mark you she was not just looking for a boyfriend, she was looking for a man to marry. When you are selling beans, let the whole world know – by advertising; and advertising she did.

First thing was to hook up with as many men as she could. In 70 days she had gone out with 55 men. Wasn’t that exhausting? Going almost every night – drinking partying movies dinner etc. Goodness! Don’t you get tired of the dates? Each night with another dude? Energetic woman. According to her friend, a *dating expert* a girl meets (not just give the eye etc-seriously meeting, go out on a date etc) an average of 480 men before finding the one man whose right for her. I must say i was astounded. Those of you out there who are married/in relationships...did you go out with that many men till you eventually found HIM? i think not.

One time she went to a wedding dress store to try on some dresses, was photographed in one of them and had this gigantic poster made out of that pic! Then she hired a lorry stuck her poster on it and went around town in the lorry to recruit marriageables! I must say I was amazed; how desperate are you to put yourself through all that?! She even asked a stranger on the street what he thinks about it – the dude said (out of courtesy I suppose) “oh, it’s a brilliant idea (the expression on his face said something else though!), but it is a little bit too way over the top – for me”. Poor dude.

That was just one of the few weird things she did in her quest to conquer mr husband. Sad thing is, she did not get a man to marry her at the end of it all – though there were 3-4 suitable partners that she was going to consider dating one of them seriously. One of them even told her that whatever she is doing is not so magnificent – going out each and every other night with different men. How would she feel if she had the hots for a guy and she was number three on his list of women he was seeing? Chick had no answer.