tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175782032024-03-07T07:14:29.487+01:00Taking it day by dayChatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-45545483380557184522008-09-10T16:49:00.000+02:002008-09-10T17:10:12.527+02:00Beweave it....or notI have heard about the good things a weave can do to your hair...gives your real hair a break from all the combing, styling etc...you can change your look drastically...curly today, straight tomorrow...short today, shoulder length and even beyond the day after - from black to blond, red to brown, you have the money, you have the choice.<br /><br />However, I am seeing women sporting some extremely shady weaves, weaves that look just BAD. you have natural hair then you add a STRAIGHT phoney pony yawa why now? you looked in the mirror and decided hiyo ndiyo best? Today I sat behind a woman whose screwed up weave looked like it had been partially gnawed away by a rodent. you could actually see the first track. I felt sad. Saa hiyo she is formally dressed going to the office perhaps. <br /><br />Why? Cut the hair if you cant manage it jameni. Or get a good hairdresser who will weave you up nicely.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-77049513913720800222008-08-29T12:19:00.000+02:002008-08-29T12:27:29.259+02:00Alaaaa?!Agony is attending a bridal shower and the maid-of-honour is dishing out very silly advice to the bride-to-be<br /><br />Agony is attending a bridal shower and drinks are flowing so you drink till you black out<br /><br />The biggest agony is attending a bridal shower and then when the stripper comes you feel like asking "where is the rest of you" because he looks like an adolescent. but its all good, he had the moves but still, i appreciate a much taller, more muscular dude to do the dancing etc.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-53091539706304373682008-07-09T08:58:00.002+02:002008-07-09T09:43:46.245+02:00Love thy neighbour?<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB">Onesmus has been going out with Philomena for the last 4 years. 5 months ago they were blessed with a baby boy. <span style=""> </span>The two decided, for the sake of the baby, to move in together. <span style=""> </span>And that they did. Their relationship was a very odd one. No one knew whether they were in love or not…according to Philomena, the two found it weird to tell each other those three little words. <span style=""> </span>Four whole years plus a baby and nothing like “I love you”. <span style=""> </span>Wow! That is what I call dry fry now.<span style=""> </span>The sex was good – you could tell by the way Philo would brighten up in the face when we asked her what makes her stay with him…knowing very well it wasn’t love. <span style=""> </span>It was the sex. Philo is the one who used to support Onesmus financially so it wasn’t the money. <span style=""></span>Onesmus could give you dick until you saw unnamed planets. Toes curling. Goosebumps. Juices flowing. Gasps for breath. Tears of </span><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB">ecstasy. </span><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB">Out-of-this-world experiences.<span style=""> </span>Sundays was their speciality. Spooning all day long. Exchanging body fluids. Explains why Philo’s phone was mostly off on Sundays.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>And then they moved in and things started changing. Onesmus leaves home Friday night comes back Saturday wee hours – doesn’t want to be asked where, what, with whom, etc. Philomena grew tired of asking.<span style=""> </span>Onesmus, seeing that he was on top of the game endelead with his tutabias.<span style=""> </span>It is common courtesy to tell your other half that you will be late so that they don’t sit up all night long wondering whether you have been mugged or slaughtered. “Courtesy” to Onesmus’ was a Latin word…he lived as he pleased, did what he wanted when he wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB">Recently, actually three weeks ago, Philomena hired a truck, packed her belongings (leaving behind a mattress and the TV, everything else was hers), her baby and house-girl and left crying.<span style=""> </span>She had just found out that Onesmus had been shagging the next door neighbour.<span style=""> </span>NEXT DOOR. Right in front of her nose. Out of one house, two steps, into the next house. <span style=""> </span>Onesmus denied all this claiming nothing has been going on. Yeah right, like he used to go there to roast marshmallows? Smh.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Schoolbook";" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Three days later he calls her to tell her she is overreacting about the neighbour, actually she should be worried about Anastasia (now the real clande)! You wonder WTF!!!?<o:p></o:p> A day later he calls to say sorry, he said all that crap coz he was angry. Philomena looked at her phone and cut him off.<span style=""> She doesn't need trash in her life.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-81426552505420285632008-06-12T13:54:00.002+02:002008-06-12T14:05:32.219+02:00ExplainOne fine dude asked me just the other day: "What do you do in your free time?" I told him I read books. He gave me a puzzled look and went ahead to repeat his question trying to make me understand it: "No, I mean in your free time, you know, when you are not working." I nodded and said AGAIN that I read BOOKS. He just did not get it how one could READ in their free time. Still seeing his dissatisfaction with my answer I had to add that I like sewing (another crazy look from him) and that from time to time I hang out with my chick pals (contented look à la: phew, at least she's normal).<br /><br />When did reading books get scrapped off from the list of things people do in their free time? Does having free time just mean you watch movies, go to the zoo, go to the beach? asii! I did not even bother asking him about the last book he read, coz I am sure I would have been told "ai me i dont read". Yeah, uses up too much brain juice hehehee.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-37950941392594951222008-06-05T12:21:00.002+02:002008-06-05T12:30:54.557+02:00Beer and free callsI think some people should be banned from drinking beer and thereafter make use of Safcoms free calls from 2100 to 0600. Just the other day, a male cousin of mine called me shortly before midnight. after a couple of rings I decided heck, lemme see who it is. I see cousin X's number. I wonder what he wants at that hour of the night...in my mind I had already thought of some bad news he was about to break. I say hello and he says hi and then proceeds to ask me why I never call him. He is drunk, speaks like he is trying to find words to make a complete sentence. I tell him that I have been busy kiasi but I will call him soon we plan a meet. He insists I tell him when exactly am I going to call him, I tell him next week before Wednesday. He says he will call me himself (yes, free calls from 2100). Then out of the blue he goes on to say aki your voice is so mzuri, kweli you have a sexy voice - if it were not for us being related "<span style="font-style: italic;">ningepita na wewe</span>". with that, he hang up. I stared at my phone for a couple of seconds wondering wtf?! Don't forget, we are first first cousins. smh.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-28323338429026078372008-05-29T10:54:00.003+02:002008-05-29T10:59:43.419+02:00OverheardSo I am sitting reading a novel and this guy behind me starts speaking to a friend who is seated like 3 metres away: "Musa, I am almost lost my wallet imagine".<br />I shut my book and smiled :-) kaka ongea kiswahili bana - kithungu kigumu mno.<br /><br />Guy sitting next to me fishes out his mobile phone and goes like: "Hi, I am in Nairobi right now. The next time you send me such a text message, I will come there, tear you and your friend apart. Don't joke with me."<br />A shiver runs down my spine.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-3091731107231671092008-05-19T13:36:00.000+02:002008-05-19T13:48:22.868+02:00Of direct translationsYou are in bed with your man, just about to get your cookie munched. You are on top doing good things to his swollen member and then you hear the man say, "sweetie, wear me a condom." What do you do?<br /><br />My friend heard that line and burst out laughing, her man thought she was rude so sessions for that night and a couple of subsequent nights were cancelled. She had a task and a half making sure that the mzee understood that she was not laughing at his whatevers but that she found that ka-line funny. Direct translation kabisa "switii nivishe kondom." These are the same ones who go saying "i didnt knew".<br /><br />Well, at least we can give him 10 marks for thinking "safe sex".Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-83420721895929435102008-05-14T17:40:00.000+02:002008-05-14T18:09:26.676+02:00A dress, a bag, shoesI have been attending weddings quiet often of late. I have two coming up in the two coming weekends. I am beginning to get tired. Not of the weddings, I LOVE weddings (cause of the cake). I am getting tired of thinking of what to wear to a wedding. I cannot repeat a dress - that is simply out. I have a couple of dresses that I am yet to wear so for now I am covered. But then what happens when another one comes up? The whole procedure of thinking what dress, what shoes, which handbag, which accessories, which undies aiii too much! Maybe I am thinking toooo much but can I stop? <br /><br />That is how you end up with two pairs of brown shoes that ALMOST look alike. And then I start wondering why I can't wear knee-high boots to a wedding. Sigh. I just know I need a nice pair of verrrry red shoes for a wedding in August. and maybe some red undies. ohhh retail therapy. and red accessories. or black? hmmmm.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-34348293563154853802008-05-05T10:58:00.000+02:002008-05-05T10:59:45.274+02:00About cookiesWe all know one thing: When you eat crumbly cookies, you will definitely leave behind crumbs after you are done. If you don't want anyone to know you ate cookies, just make those crumbs disappear. Ah well. Cookies anyone?!Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-68882308010512088972008-04-27T15:27:00.001+02:002008-04-27T15:30:36.432+02:00Snack away<span style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><span lang="EN-GB">There is a place at <i style="">Prestige Plaza</i> that’s called <b style="">Swahili Plate</b>. <span style=""> </span>I had been told that I’d find most swa snacks there.<span style=""> </span>At first I was sceptical. <span style=""> </span>The few times I have eaten bhajias here in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Nairobi</st1:place></st1:City> I have been left wondering why I just didn’t fry battered potatoes at home.</span></span> <p style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The place has awesome <i style="">viazi vya karai, mahamri (not maandazi) vibibi, kaimati, mkate wa sinia, bhajia za Kiswahili</i> (I prefer bhajia za kihindi though) and to top it all they make the real <i style="">ukwaju</i> to go with the viazi karai. Damn! I have never been happier.<span style=""> </span>And there was some masala tea to wash down all that! So Nakeel, si you mentioned something about <i style="">ukwaju</i>? Now?</span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>The prices aren’t thaaaat bad. A dozen of <i style="">kaimati </i>goes for 120kshs. <i style="">Kaimati </i>moja 12 bob. A bit outrageous but this is <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Nairobi</st1:City></st1:place>, I guess it’s allowed. <span style=""> </span>In <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Mombasa</st1:City></st1:place> you go selling kaimati moja 12 bob utaufilisika a.s.a.p. – those things go for max 2 bob.</span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I heard they serve <i style="">biriani</i> – have to try that out next time I am there.</span></span></p>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-69539087782622068802008-04-25T09:49:00.003+02:002008-04-25T10:01:28.384+02:007 months later...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.jkayedesigns.com/images/12.44_SPIDER-WEBS.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.jkayedesigns.com/images/12.44_SPIDER-WEBS.JPG" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">...the dust and cobwebs that have settled here - eish too much.<br />Ma'am will be back<br />with a new broom<br />to sweep.<br />In the meantime,<br />let me go<br />and find<br />blog mojo<br />seriously.<br /></div>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-7383045007459606322007-09-18T09:27:00.001+02:002007-09-18T09:32:45.567+02:00Wataka mteja????<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Yesterday at around 1900hrs I was standing outside Simmers waiting patiently for someone to chuck we go. <span style=""> </span>A dude came up to me and asked if he can get me a customer saa hiyo hiyo! Then he proceeded to show me a Pakistani dude who was wearing those manguoz of theirs. <span style=""> </span>My goodness, I had to laugh…. I could pass for a whore? Wearing decent jeans and a sweater with a high neckline up to there?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">He did not get the chance to mention a price since I had to leave. <span style=""> </span><i style="">Note to self: don’t stand outside Simmers alone looking like you are about to go get.....</i><br /><o:p> </o:p></span></p>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-91782008016091723852007-09-06T11:11:00.000+02:002007-09-06T11:26:17.230+02:00When Chatterly met Twaddlie<span style=""><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Based on a true story<o:p></o:p></span></span> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Was in a theatre far away from you</span></span></p><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Tuesday</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p>Chatterly gets to hear that Twaddlie is in town.<span style=""> </span>She gets her telephone numbers and texts the chick to invite her for lunch the following day. <span style=""> </span>Twaddlie says yes, so with the date set, Chatterly starts to think of what to wear. <span style=""> </span>She discards those thoughts coz even with a suitcase full of clothes that fit she still moans “sina nguo za kuvaa”.</span></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Tuesday night, no dreams of kissing a certain KBW dude…and the way I had waited hmmmm!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p>Wednesday</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p>Chatterly calls Twaddlie.<span style=""> </span>Twaddlie picks, Chatts hears nothing coz of the background music. <span style=""> </span>She wonders eish kwani Twaddlie ako hanye this early ama what? <span style=""> </span>Twaddlie says she’ll call back in an hour.<span style=""> </span>Chatts texts Twaddlie to tell her they meet at XYZ at 1 pm. <span style=""> </span>Twaddlie kumbe ako nail parlour….she getting her nails did for Miss Chatts (her 20 nails were looking vibrantly cute, same applies to …mujijazie) </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">11 o’clock, Chatts still has no idea what to wear. <span style=""> </span>1130 Chatterly now KNOWS what to wear, she hits the shower…scrubs herself to ecstasy and proceeds to get dressed. <span style=""> </span>By the time she has worn her kitenge Kaunda suit, by the time she has jazaad <span style="font-style: italic;">hair glo </span>to her curly kit, by the time she has made sure that half of the contents of her bottle of Bint el Sudan perfume is on her it is already past twelve, and she has to commute from the end of the world to the meeting point. <span style=""> </span>Kumbe Twaddlie also doesn’t keep time…so we end up hooking up at 1400.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">At first sight</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Chatts arrived at the meeting point only to find herself alone.<span style=""> </span>Phone call to madam, she says 3.5 minutes and I will be therrr. <span style=""> </span>And sure enough 3.5 minutes later, I see a chick catwalking towards me! What a sight! Tiny braids left open, cute shades, big sweeeet smile. Chick was wearing a hot pant and a tubetop and some pretty sandals and lovely jewellery. Me and my kitenge Kaunda suit si we felt like villagers? <span style=""> </span>After a nice warm hug, with me towering all over her little self we giggled shyly and started bonding as we walked towards this place where i was going to treat her for lunch.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Twaddlie….take it from there yeah? Please? </span></p>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-6393281676527068762007-08-30T12:21:00.000+02:002007-08-30T12:37:53.980+02:00Minus rubsYou know you are in serious need of a goood lay when your dreams are like this for 2 consecutive nights:<br />Monday night:<br />Dreamt I got laid by my primary school deskmate. His dick?! HUGE...I woke up the following morning with a huge smile.<br />Tuesday night:<br />Dream number 1: I snogged the living daylights out of a KBW dude! I will not mention names but dude.....i kissed you vi-proper mpaka i felt weweee! aiiiii wacha tu!<br />Dream number two i was flirting with Denzel W. ama was he flirting with me?<br /><br />This heat makes you want things that you are not getting. hmmmmm.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-40859214301735076412007-08-22T11:43:00.000+02:002007-08-22T12:10:44.518+02:00OverheardJumapili last found me sipping tu-drinks with some youngsters. Katika ile hali ya kuchapa story dame fulani akataja kwamba usiku kuna ile movie iitwayo GOTHIKA. Chali yake karukia mwenyewe shujaa wacha aanze kueleza jinsi that movie was so nice...Madam Halle Berry ni kidosho na she was the first black woman to win an oscar. Bahati mbaya kijana akaendelea kuongea mpaka akaharibu mchuzi kwa kusema ati GOTHIKA ndio huyo Halle Berry alishinda nayo hiyo Oscar!<br /><br />I just looked at him and said nil. From what i know Monster's Ball ndio ilimshindia hiyo Oscar ama dunia ilibadilika na mimi mzala sina habari?!Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-19995348940557989712007-08-20T08:49:00.006+02:002007-08-20T09:07:51.840+02:00Blogging from elsewhere<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.travellersworldwide.com/Images2000/photos-kenya/mombasa/mombasa-tusks-300.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.travellersworldwide.com/Images2000/photos-kenya/mombasa/mombasa-tusks-300.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />From now on i will be blogging from Mombasa. Place is hot and wet. Spoken to a couple of bloggers, one wanted to hang up the phone because of my waithera accent but he vumiliad tu :-) si u know yourserof mai tia?<br />Coming to nai soon - would luv to hook up with some of you - will let you know when i am there. kusema kweli blogging imenitoka sina hamu lakini nitajaribu - there is just too much funniness going on here mpaka unabaki umeshangaa sana.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-308846712288388022007-07-24T21:35:00.000+02:002007-07-24T21:41:29.750+02:00Random 8<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So I got myself tagged by 3 types of crazy and Unyc and after a looooong while here we go with my 8:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><o:p> </o:p><span style="">1)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I don’t like going to restaurants with people who cannot CHOOSE what they want to eat they have to ASK the other people they are with. Yaani you want to tell me that person who ends up choosing for you knows what you feel like eating ama how? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">2)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I don’t understand how one goes to the same restaurant over and over and over again when there are thousands of other restaurants that are just as good or even better.<span style=""> </span>It even gets worse when one orders the same dish every time he/she is there. Don’t you want to taste anything else? Don’t you? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">3)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I don’t understand chicks who SHAVE OFF all their eyebrows only to come back with </span><span style="">their eyebrow pencils</span><span style=""> and draw either a crooked line or a wicked line up to there.<span style=""> </span>It looks tacky, weird, grotesque, BAD.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">4)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I am currently craving frog thighs – when well cooked, they are a delicacy…I am yet to have a taste of that and confirm. Where do I get a frog? Who will kill that frog for me and dissect it and give me just the tu-thayoz bila the webbed feet? UNYC mchinja kuku are you good with froggies? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">5)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I have the habit of looking at people and wondering whether they are single or married or widowed, how they are in bed, whether they have debts, whether they are psycho etc. It is just a way of passing time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">6)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I don’t think I will ever have enough shoes.<span style=""> </span>There are times I just wear my high heels and underwear and nothing else – that is bliss. The first thing I think about when I have some money is shoes.<span style=""> </span>When I am stressed I think of buying new shoes.<span style=""> </span>When I pass an exam I think of shoes. I would rather have l00 pairs of shoes than have 100 dresses.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">7)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I always have cold feet so to keep them warm I ALWAYS wear socks when I am indoors.<span style=""> Summer or winter - it doesn't matter. </span>I can sleep naked but my socks have to be worn, otherwise I won’t sleep a wink.<span style=""> </span>Even when matters get horizontal, I have to have my socks on.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">8)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">I put cheese in my ugali and icecream in my oatmeal. Sounds weird but damn, those things are gooooooooooooood.<o:p></o:p></span></p> Done!Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-90200053289107575812007-07-01T23:35:00.000+02:002007-07-01T23:41:55.787+02:00hmmmmmI was listening to this gal who is going away on vacation to Thailand and she was going on and on and on about how she is looking forward to the great weather, the great cuisine and eating pineapples straight from the tree.<br /><br />Since when did they start growing on trees? I almost asked her if she ever saw pineapples dangling from a tree but i just kept quiet and let her ramble. <br /><br />Now I am just thinking of pineapple trees. tihihih.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-87699970417210565642007-06-18T20:02:00.000+02:002007-06-18T20:23:17.884+02:00Another Kenyan Bash<span style=""><o:p></o:p></span><span style="">Saturday ilimpata Chatterly akijipodoa getting ready to go out to a Kenyan bash. Make-up done, hair done, trousers tight enough, high heels miguuni na kibeti mkononi. So I leave the house at 2230hrs, off to hook up with another buddy at his place where we wait for another chick buddy to join us then we leave together shortly before </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="0"><span style="">midnight</span></st1:time><span style="">.<span style=""> </span>We hop into a taxi and in 5 minutes we are at the venue. From then on it was a downhill trip.<o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p></o:p>1.<span style=""> </span>Music<br />the music itself was not bad but the dj??? Yuck! He plays a song for 30 seconds then interrupts to talk about sijui nini nini.<span style=""> </span>Who told him we wanted useless chitchat at </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="1"><span style="">1 am</span></st1:time><span style="">? Despite telling him to cut the crap, the dude could not keep his words to himself. And the way I had the energy to dance eish spoiler mtupu.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">2. Food<br />There was food (you buy, you eat…hakuna cha bure). The samosas looked raw, tasted like mince beef stew with peas and chapo, they were drenched in oil yaani mafuta haiishi no matter how hard you squeeze the samosa. I saw some chicken and some rice…did not touch any of that though…one samosa was enough for the night.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p></o:p>3. Men<br />Same old same old, men wearing tshirts 5 sizes too big with shorts larger than XL and sneakers.<span style=""> </span>One of them was wearing jeans bonge na smart shirt and a sleeveless sweater – the place is warm and he wears a sweater for what? And to top it all…he was wearing sunglasses, at night. Now what is that? Kujiskia mjanja na hiyo trouser bonge umeikazia belt hapo kwa waist mpaka imekaa </span><st1:place><span style="">kama</span></st1:place><span style=""> mahando? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Then there were some old dudes hovering about…I am sure one of them was 80 years old – I don’t know what I will be doing when I am 80 but surely I wont be hanging out at such loud parties.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">And the drunks? Plenty of them….you admit you are drunk but you are still holding a bottle. Smh si you stop basi?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">4.<span style=""> </span>Women.<br />a) the drunkard<br />this one has drunk so much, she can’t dance but still she insists on swaying on the dance floor with an equally drunk mate.<span style=""> </span>Another one was too drunk to hold her dinner down she ended up puking – I saw her in the loo and she was telling me she needs some fresh air then she will be ok…I almost asked her nani alimwambia naweka rekodi ya wale wanaotaka fresh air? I silently looked at her as she staggered out.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">b) the jealous drunkard<br />this one chick really amazed me. Dressed in a belt masquerading as a skirt, showing us her waithera legs, teetering on her hoochie mama stiletto sandals and blondish braids. She was at the bash with her boyfie…I know the boyfriend since kitambo and he had told me he would come to the bash with chick so I can meet her, me I had just heard that the dude is sooo into her.<span style=""> </span>When I saw her I thought the dude was joking, unfortunately he wasn’t – that chick got drunker and drunker by the hour and every time the boyfie talked to another chick, she would appear from nowhere and start touching touching the boyfie or sit on his lap or pull him away so that they can go and ongea. The boy kinda got pissed off coz he came asking us why women act all dumb when they get drunk-I told him I am sober bro…uliza mlevi akueleze heheheh. Later that evening she was up at the podium whispering sweet nothings to the crappy dj…me I saw her butt, and so did all the others who were observing things :-)</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style=""></span></span><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">c) baby gap shoppers<br />there are those who are naturally petite and therefore wear size small or extra small. Sasa kama wewe ni mkubwa kama nyumba, please, si kwa ubaya…just buy clad that fit you, wearing small nguoz wont make you thinner, you end up looking ridiculous.<o:p></o:p><br /><br />d) band sisters<br />just coz you are best friends doesn’t mean you have to wear the same clad unless you belong to some band. Same black shorts (by the way I think there were more than 5 chicks in short shorts), same tiger print tshirt and same combat print stilettos, same screaming out loud whenever a song starts playing (I can imagine how sore their throats are).<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">e) advisory board<br />One chick was asking me why I don’t have mzungu boyfie as she is engaged to one. I shangaad kwani only mzungu makes boyfie? I was advised to open my eyes (like they were closed smhhhh) and I should not even think of going to settle down in Kenya coz I have been here too long and I will NOT fit in. asiii? I shangaad tu. </span><st1:place><span style="">Kwanza</span></st1:place><span style=""> who told her I needed advice? Kila mtu na flavour yake…I like my men chocolate so yeye na vanilla yake anyamazie huko tu.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">After seeing so much and hearing just as much, I think I am done with Kenyan parties – there is nothing new happening even if you go to such parties once a year, you will see the same people, same music will be played and since it’s the same dj, you will still get pissed off like last year. Goodbye Kenyan bashes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com98tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-10919869041049773652007-06-04T12:22:00.000+02:002007-06-04T13:48:14.436+02:00Cousin BoazCousin Boaz is a spoilt boy. Ok, he is not a boy...he is a grown man. All i know is that he earns his living selling cars, i highly doubt it though. Boaz moved out of his mum's house to live alone. Funny thing is that the mum is the one paying his rent. How twisted is that?<br /><br />Anyway, one day Boaz decided to marry and on a fine december day relatives & friends gathered to celebrate the colorful occasion. Kumbe Boaz married a wolf in sheep's clad. Apparently the chick is a whore. Immediately after the wedding, she started showing her true colors...coming home at 2 in the morning, not dishing out the goodies to the husband, doing nothing at all in the house and when Boaz asked why, the chick would beat him up! The chick doesn't want to be asked about her whereabouts. Swali langu ni: kwani she thinks you get married and continue malayaing as usual? what did she think when she said "i do"? she was certainly aware that seriousness is beginning then ama she thought she was dreaming?<br /><br />Two months after a weird marriage life, madam moved out of the marital home. She is now being seen with her lover, a certain politician. How sad is that? i ask myself what courtship is all about. isn't it the time before marriage when both sides get to know each other? you find out as much as possible about you future better half and make up your mind about spending the rest of your life with them? was Boaz high all through this period? so high that he could not see the signs that there was something twisted about the girl? ama he was marrying just for the sake? for the sake of what, i wonder. now that would be too crazy.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-63655763403523267052007-05-21T12:37:00.000+02:002007-05-21T12:46:26.965+02:00Shindwe!There is a rapist in the building i live in. wajameni i am scared of ingiaring lift and finding a dude tu hapo - i think i am getting paranoid, and the way kuna times i get home late in the night :-(<br />Kuna mtu ameandika kwa ka-paper akaiweka kwa lift. ati kuna mrepist fulani alikuwa kwa building sato sijui anajifanya anatafuta meeting you handicapped pple. he was wearing a beard and a jacket. now how many men wear jackets and beards in that building? that was on saturday at around 15hrs. apparently he has been in the building more than once, and he is coming back to his "crime scene". goodness gracious, who can teach me karate faster faster? or give me instructions on how to mix my own pepper spray?<br />and then jana naingia lift hivi another dude enters and finds me reading that ka-notice so he also starts reading and then he asks me who wrote it. Dude kwani mimi ni secretary wa huyo mrepist jameni nitajuaje...kwanza nikimcheki vizuri i just felt like jumping off the lift and using the staircase - but wajuaje hangojei masupuu huko staircase? na kama u are living in the 11th floor na amekutime tu hapo 10th na vile ukifika hapo utakuwa umechoka kama punda hata energy ya kupiga nduru utaitoa wapi?<br />i am just crossing my fingers, scared.Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-68231560134585322202007-05-15T16:23:00.000+02:002007-05-15T17:06:31.384+02:00tag tag tagKuitikia mwito wa <a href="http://tallb.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/tagged-again/">Aegeus</a> let me andika the reasons why i blog<br /><br />1. i blog to share what is happening in my life. just sharing a little bit, ile ya surface tu maana nikisema naanza hadithi za mwaki hii blog tutaifunga.<br /><br />2. i blog coz i have the time to. it keeps me busy when i have nothing to do or when i have stuff to do and i dont feel like getting it done.<br /><br />3. i am practising speed typing on my blog (a lie)<br /><br />4. i blog to interact with other bloggers, laugh with them, get to know them, do other things with them (nione kando)<br /><br />5. i blog so that i can write about what is happening in other people's lives. since they dont have blogs, and i find their stories interesting i blog about them :-) mambo ya watu wengine hunishangaza mpaka yabidi niblog ndio initoke kichwani.<br /><br />kwa haya machache, please consider yourself tagged:<br /><br /><a href="http://unycjollity.blogspot.com/">Unyc </a><br /><a href="http://joshmwangi.blogspot.com/">Mwangi</a><br /><a href="http://3nspeaks.blogspot.com/">3N</a><br /><a href="http://ichiena.blogspot.com/">Ichiena</a><br /><a href="http://mulalo.blogspot.com/">Three types of crazy</a><br /><a href="http://simplyclarah.blogspot.com/">Klara</a>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-22134841677405383442007-05-11T18:26:00.000+02:002007-05-11T18:39:12.298+02:00Twice taggedAfter being tagged by <a href="http://joshmwangi.blogspot.com/">Mwangi </a>and by <a href="http://mountkirima.blogspot.com/2007/05/seven-hidden-habits-of-highly-effacing.html">Kirima</a>, i think it is high time i andikaad 7 things that make Chatterly.<br /><br /> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="DE">My 7even<o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">1. I hate explaining simple things 126 times to someone who is not shikaing mita. <span style=""> </span>I usually feel like taking out and whip from heaven knows where and whipping sense into them.</span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">2. I am pathetic when it comes to keeping time sometimes.<span style=""> </span>I usually intend to be on time but funny enough I somehow never make it.<o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">3. I think a lot about sex.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">4. I opted to go to boarding school when I was in class 7 because I could then have all the freedom to play like there is no tomorrow. And play I did….so much that my grades took a nose dive – funny enough no one asked any questions – lucky enough I decided to become a day scholar in class 8 third term…that really did a lot for my twisted grades.<o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">5. I plan to go back to school someday, though sometimes I think if I ever get married and get kids – I will gladly stay at home and be mommy :- ) or at least try that stay-at-home-thing.<o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">6. There was a time in primary school when I was given money to pay for one term’s lunch. Since my small sister and I had had enough of rice/cabbage/stew/beans etc I kept the cash in my desk and that whole term we ate fries for lunch. We were in heaven.<o:p></o:p></span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">7. I am my dad’s favourite (in his world yes).<span style=""> </span>I don’t like him one bit – I just haven’t told him that.<br /></span></p><br />i guess kila mtu has been tagged :-) kama haujatagiwa basi jua uko officially tagged!Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-21165073244757950292007-04-17T10:25:00.000+02:002007-04-17T10:40:55.808+02:00Bila<a href="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y87/searchinx/heartbroken.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y87/searchinx/heartbroken.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I decided to leave the train and go on a roller-coaster ride. After three months of loops twists turns ups and downs I was thrown out. I was told very kindly to go because I deserved to be on a better roller-coaster, one that had more thrills, more loops and higher highs. The one I was on wasn’t sure if it would hold in the future – not that it was rickety or anything, it was just not sure about what was coming, considering this global warming thing - everything is possible. And so I was given back my ticket. I cried and cried until I started all over again. I truly enjoyed the ride. We did not have lots of change to buy candy floss and soda but the bar of chocolate was enough. I was happy. I cared. I gave. And I really gave. I listened. I was nice. Maybe I was too nice. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>In short, I was dumped a week ago and now I am on the bilaz train. <a href="http://nakeel.blogspot.com/">Nakeel</a>, I hope you are off my seat and you replenished my goody bag. </div><div> </div><div><span style="font-size:78%;">pic courtesy of:</span><a href="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y87/searchinx/heartbroken.jpg"><span style="font-size:78%;">http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y87/searchinx/heartbroken.jpg</span></a></div>Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17578203.post-69634911123375166432007-03-28T16:58:00.000+02:002007-03-28T17:02:18.934+02:00Random thoughts IIIn this age where image seems to be everything, I think some people are taking it a huge bit too far. Almost everyone wants the latest clothes, no matter the price – some would rather wallow in debt than not have the latest Gucci, Prada etc shoe that some celebrity chick was wearing. Kids nowadays are getting that fever, and it is not just the labels, the bling and such, it is getting worse – cosmetic surgery is becoming the in thing.<br /><br />There is a sixteen (16) year old girl who went for liposuction. At 16, my mind was not on such things – by then I was in form 2, in boarding school, feeling miserable cause the diet was horrible. I do not know how many of you had been considering cosmetic surgery then, I just know my mind was not in that area. <br /><br />This chick’s mum paid for her liposuction…about three thousand euros. And she is not even batting an eyelid. I am not a mother, but the day my 16 year old will come to me and tell me she wants some liposuction, God forbid…. I will slap the dumbness away. The girl weighs less than 60kgs, and there is absolutely no need for such crap, but since the daughter wants, the mummy has to cough up the monies so that the daughter is satisfied. A few days after surgery, the friends come to see her and they stand in front of a mirror oooohhhing and aaaaahing say how slender the thighs look. Aren’t thighs supposed to be fleshy?<br /><br />This same girl has undergone cosmetic surgery before, when she was 14-15 to correct her nose. Now I am left wondering what kind of values this woman is trying to instil in her daughter. Isn’t she just cementing that foolish notion in the kid’s mind that image is everything? The next thing that is coming is a boob job, then a face lift, then … why the craziness?!Chatterlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02079055207430169807noreply@blogger.com25